Duck Goes Moo!

Nation Shudders At Large Block Of Uninterrupted Text

Dumbfounded citizens from Maine to California gazed helplessly at the frightening chunk of print, unsure of what to do next. Without an illustration, chart, or embedded YouTube video to ease them in, millions were frozen in place, terrified by the sight of one long, unbroken string of English words.

“Why won’t it just tell me what it’s about?” said Boston resident Charlyne Thomson, who was bombarded with the overwhelming mass of black text late Monday afternoon. “There are no bullet points, no highlighted parts. I’ve looked everywhere—there’s nothing here but words.”

“Ow,” Thomson added after reading the first and last lines in an attempt to get the gist of whatever the article, review, or possibly recipe was about.

- from theonion.com

————

This article perfectly describes how I feel when I try to read a book these days. I’ve gotten better about it since I canceled my TV service and have been spending less time online, but I still have a hard time at it. I think the internet has indeed managed to make us all semi-illiterate.

Damn you internet!

U.S. Economy Grinds To Halt As Nation Realizes Money Just A Symbolic, Mutually Shared Illusion

picture from theonion.com

“Though raising interest rates is unlikely at the moment, the Fed will of course act appropriately if we…if we…” said Bernanke, who then paused for a moment, looked down at his prepared statement, and shook his head in utter disbelief. “You know what? It doesn’t matter. None of this—this so-called ‘money’—really matters at all.”

“It’s just an illusion,” a wide-eyed Bernanke added as he removed bills from his wallet and slowly spread them out before him. “Just look at it: Meaningless pieces of paper with numbers printed on them. Worthless.”

from theonion.com

You know, as funny as this Onion article might be, something like this could actually happen some day. I’ve often thought to myself what a society without money would be like. It wouldn’t have to be return to a barter system or the stone age, but the issue of how to get people to do complex and/or dangerous acts that need to be done (like surgery or digging sewer tunnels) without a monetary system or a some form of forced labor.

In the Star Trek universe there is no money (at least not on Earth and the main Federation planets) and it is said that everyone just does what they want to do. That makes some sense. I mean, someone might without a doubt want to be a surgeon and work hard to become such because they want to save lives, but what if not enough people want to do that? Also, who wants to be a garbage man or someone who handles toxic waste? There are many jobs no one would really want to do, unless everyone is ordered to do so under some sort of penalty.

I found this article online about economics in the Star Trek universe: Unofficial Economics of Star Trek

There they mention the concept of Participatory Economics, which is what the author believes the Star Trek economy is based upon.  If you read the wikipedia article on Participatory Economics you find an interesting description of what it is plus of some of the viewed pros and cons of such a system.

Here’s one from the “Gee, I wish I thought of that” category.  Someone created a blog of nothing but pictures with three things: Tom Selleck, a waterfall and a sandwich:

Featured Sandwich: Italian

Featured Sandwich: Meatloaf

Featured Sandwich: Panini

See more here

Bye Helmets came up with an interesting way to advertise their line of helmets.

No, apparently they do not actually make helmets that look like a bunch of hands… which would be pretty cool if you ask me.   Not sure what the back would look like though.

Somethings just are beyond any kind of explanation…

WARNING: F-Bomb dropped in following comic.  Oh well, still pretty funny.

My friend Janet is moving to Portland and she recently had a garage sale where I picked up a totally awesome couch on the cheap, along with a whole lot of other cool stuff.

Best thing of all her husband Peter, who totally rocks, delivered it to my workplace and helped move it into my office:

Yup, this be my office.  An office with a fracking couch in it.

It’s a little cramped in the office now, but it still totally works and everytime I open my office door for the first time each morning it almost feels like I just got home.

My only concern is that I think I’ve made my office a little too comfortable.  It’s not precisely a work-inducing environment.

Eh, it’s worth it, and if I ever have to pull an all-nighter at work I can actually get a good hour or so of sleep on the couch.  Yay!

Nation Ready To Be Lied To About Economy Again

WASHINGTON—After nearly four months of frank, honest, and open dialogue about the failing economy, a weary U.S. populace announced this week that it is once again ready to be lied to about the current state of the financial system.

 

Tired of hearing the grim truth about their economic future, Americans demanded that the bald-faced lies resume immediately, particularly whenever politicians feel the need to divulge another terrifying problem with Wall Street, the housing market, or any one of a hundred other ticking time bombs everyone was better off not knowing about.

 

In addition, citizens are requesting that the phrase, “It will only get worse before it gets better,” be permanently replaced with, “Things are going great. Enjoy yourselves.”

 

the onion

Obama Depressed, Distant Since ‘Battlestar Galactica’ Series Finale

The president seems to be someplace else lately,” said one high-level official, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Yesterday we were all being briefed on the encroachment of Iranian drone planes into Iraq, when he just looked up from the table and blurted out, ‘What am I supposed to watch on Fridays at 10 p.m. now? Numb3rs?’”

more on The Onion

I was told by several different people recently that I look like Robert Downey Jr:

Holy frak! They might be on to something…

Man, I wish I wasn’t on my special “no alcohol, greasy food, or coffee” diet; I’d love to throw a party with this theme.

You know, I have about $200 of liquor sitting around in kitchen that I am probably never going to drink now that I’ve had my little “life-style change”. I am possibly thinking about throwing a party in which I don’t drink a drop of alcohol and I just make drinks for people… well, it’d probably have to be several parties.

I did break with my diet and have a beer last Sunday, and it was alright but it did cause a bit of pain and gas the next day so I am not sure I will do that again anytime soon. I think I will stick to not drinking for a while still; I am below 200 pounds and I am going to try to get down into the 170s.

As far as what might be wrong with my gut, I was thinking earlier it could be an ulcer or diverticulitis, but I did more googling and I am wondering if it was a fatty liver. For the past two months I’ve been avoiding a lot of the things that can cause that and bring your liver back into its lean, normal functioning self. That would help explain why I seem to be losing so much weight when diets in the past didn’t work.

I am going to see how my gut feels after another two weeks and then go in to the doctor again if it still has problems. They’ll probably want to stick a camera in me and see what’s happening, but it’d be worth it to make sure it’s not cancer or anything else dangerous.

THANK YOU! Glad to see someone else out there thinks “Mind of Mencia” isn’t funny in the slightest. The thing that annoys me the most about Mencia is that his real name isn’t Carlos Mencia, it’s Ned Holness. He’s of German descent and not a Latino, which is why his Mexican Stepin Fetchit act is especially unfunny.

But still, I don’t fully understand the Arthur C. Clark quote. Is it saying that after humanity has stopped laughing at the idea of a space elevator? Or after humanity has merged with machine and no longer laughs, instead relaying responses to humor with a series of blinking lights?